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home : mirror blog : the message June 24, 2016

The Message
By Tim Lamb, Entiat, WA
inspirational column
Saturday, May 4, 2013

The Message: The Perfect Partner: The Shame of Divorce

I'd like to point out one of the biggest, most destructive, fallacies about marriage. This idea that there is the "Perfect Mate" for you if you wait is just ridiculous. "Some day my Prince will come..." is a fairy tale. Odds are, if there is a perfect mate for you they are married to someone else because they are so darn perfect. Odds are, also, that the perfect mate in your dreams is a bomb in real life.

I think God gives us many options in life and picking a mate has to be one of them. Not that He won't guide you away from a bad relationship if you ask and lead you to healthy friendships, but it's up to you if you marry anyone. I don't believe God plays cupid but if He did pick a mate it would be someone who made you better; stretched you to your limits and strengthened you.

Here is the perfect mate: Someone who is strong where you are weak and weak where you want them to be strong. Yes, if you're looking for the one God has picked out for you (which most likely doesn't exist) it would be someone who needs you as much as you need them. It might be someone who shares your passion for sports or music but not as a participant with you, as your cheerleader (or your critic). Yes, there should be a reasonable physical attraction but the right person for you should come to you the way your conscience guides you; the way you pick out your clothes; the way you select reading material; the way you pick your movies or television shows. The right person for you will share your standards, be pleasing to YOUR eye, and help define you.

If you find yourself changing to please somebody then maybe that person should be your councilor or therapist if those are good, positive changes; but never your spouse. A spouse might begin as an encourager and should set an example of positive behavior but until you no longer feel the need to change you cannot know if someone is right for you and most likely no one is right for you when you are not satisfied with yourself.

The right spouse cares more about your purity and righteousness than you do. The right spouse wants you to follow your God, and put Him first in your relationship. The right spouse will treat you like you belong, first to God, then as their mate. If someone says "I love you so much I can't control myself" then they are telling you up front they have no control over their own behavior and also that they are extremely self centered. Their lack of control has nothing to do with their love for you.

Devotion and commitment are the keys to long marriages. If two people aren't fighting occasionally one of them is completely subservient. Where two always agree one isn't necessary. Two people who claim to have always been romantically in love for fifty years probably didn't accomplish much as individuals in that time. If you are a whole person you are going to doubt every area of your life at some point. Devotion holds you together.

My wife and I have been married over thirty years and the only reason we're together today is because divorce was never an option. We have our battle scars but I would still rather be near her than away from her.

If marriage is a living organism divorce is the cancer that may kill it. It's my understanding that Ronald Reagan said the biggest political mistake of his career was legalizing "No Fault Divorce" on January 1, 1970. No fault divorce originated in Russia following the 1917 revolution when the state took the civil matters away from the church. The church required couples to keep their commitment made before God and most laws were founded in the church. Jesus said divorce was not allowed except in cases of infidelity. The Law of Moses allowed for divorce but Jesus explained, Moses allowed it because their hearts were hard and they would not obey the law. Has anyone else noticed people's hearts hardening toward the law of God in recent years?

The advent of easy divorce created a whole new social environment; one of fatherless households and broken homes and blended families. Latch-key kids became common place and everyone suffered but nothing suffered more than the institution of marriage it's self.

In the eyes of the current generation marriage is little more than the commitment of going steady. When it's no longer fun you change partners and many find it easier not to marry. Now we have this tiny sliver of the population which still waits, saving themselves for a marriage that to most of the free world has lost its meaning.

Up to now I have not mentioned gay marriage because anyone who knows me would know what I mean when I speak of marriage. I also wanted to make the point that the Bible does not mention homosexual marriage because in Jesus day, and prior, to mention it was beyond imagining. Everyone knew what marriage was. To suggest there could be any other meaning would have done more harm than good.

Today, the damage has been done. But that damage began when heterosexuals devalued marriage with easy divorce mocking the law of God. When kids born out of wedlock became acceptable and sex before marriage became the norm. Marriage was trashed long before the gays got a hold of it that's why people are so willing to give it up. It is no longer "Holy Matrimony". It's a place to get tax brakes and a perch from which to look for something better.

Marriage used to show commitment and loyalty, traits that could carry you far in work and life. Marriage was once a test of fidelity and a testimony to commitment but marriage today means nothing, except to God and His followers and apparently now it means something to homosexuals.

I believe what marriage means to homosexuals is acceptance. In states where civil unions carrying all the tax breaks and legal benefits of marriage where allowed - the "Everything but Marriage" laws - it was not good enough. It's not about rights it's about the agenda of acceptance. They are not realistically trying to make their unions Holy in Matrimony; there is a bigger message in their efforts.

Here is the point: Genesis 1:27 "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. 28 And God blessed them. And God said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it..."

God's first commandment to His creation, Male and Female, was to be fruitful and multiply so is it any surprise that some of the biggest controversy's of our time center around marriage and reproduction? Does it come as a surprise to anyone that our president is in opposition to the Church in all these matters? These are probably the only points in which they stand against Muslims too.

We gave up the law of God, hardened our hearts, and removed Him as Creator; ladies and gentlemen we are under the wrath of abandonment. We let this happen. We let evolution be taught to our kids. We did not cry out for Holiness when divorce became rampant, and when the sexual revolution began we left it to our godless schools and public institutions to teach them about contraception and abortion rather than abstinence. Our children watched us and their hearts were also hardened.

Truth, character and commitment die in a world without consequences. You want the best mate for you? Start with someone from the opposite sex, pray together and commit yourselves to Holiness. Sanctify marriage...sanctify human life...sanctify God's law...sanctify God's position as Creator; and pass that along to the children. It's our only hope...

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