Grief experts help community navigate the loss of Olivia, Evelyn, and Paityn Decker

LEAVENWORTH – The Chelan County Sheriff’s Office (CCSO) Behavioral Health Unit organized three town hall meetings to help the community as it mourns the deaths of three sisters, Olivia, Evelyn, and Paityn Decker. 

The first of three town hall meetings was held in Leavenworth on June 9, which included discussions from Executive Director of Pacific Northwest Support Services Julie Boyer, Columbia Valley Community Health (CVCH) representatives, and CCSO. 

The speakers acknowledged the grief and fear felt throughout the community as authorities continue to search for Travis Decker, who is suspected of murdering his three daughters near Rock Island campground outside of Leavenworth. A special emphasis was placed on how to navigate death and grief with children during the meeting.

“This event is aimed to provide guidance, support and a sense of connection on how to talk to children about death in age appropriate and compassionate ways,” said Ana Gonzalez, CCSO Behavioral Health Unit Program Manager. “We're going to foster an environment not just for learning, but for open discussion, reflection and healing.”

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Reassure Children of Their Safety

During the meeting, Boyer emphasized the importance of reassuring children that they are safe and loved first and foremost, as fear is likely to be present alongside feelings of grief.

“For so many of our kiddos, their world feels changed, I think, by some of the things that they've heard, and their safety has been rocked,” said Boyer.

Control What You Can

While children will inevitably pick up information in external settings, such as school, community spaces, or extracurricular activities, Boyer recommends limiting news at home.

“I would just challenge you to be really wise about how much your kids are seeing, even over your shoulders, or how much they're noticing,” said Boyer. 

Parents and caregivers are also advised to be mindful of their own reactions to the situation, as their responses will influence how their children will respond.

“Sometimes we forget to do that when we have moments or we have frustrations. We don't really name those feelings and emotions for our kids. And so being able to name them as, ‘Hey, give mom a second. I'm just feeling this,’ is huge. So it's something so simple,” said Boyer.

Be Mindful

During traumatic time periods, Boyer emphasizes the need for maintaining normal routines and staying present. Rather than forcing a conversation, Boyer recommends paying attention to each child’s bids for connection, love languages, and emotional cues, which can foster love, make them feel heard, and encourage them to engage in conversation. Meaningful conversations typically occur in the “in between,” such as during a car ride, or playing outside, said Boyer.

“There's value in wasting time together, so to speak. There's value in just laughing and playing and having fun and going, ‘I think my kiddo is really struggling with this. We need to have a deep conversation, but they're not bringing it up and they're not talking about it.’ That's okay,” said Boyer.

Make a Plan to Talk about Death

When approaching the subject of death, Boyer recommends having a plan that sticks to “the most age appropriate version of the truth,” without providing more information than is necessary. Avoid euphemisms that equate death with going “away” or “to sleep,” as they could cause more fear and confusion. Having a conversation with other adults in the family to get on the same page about discussing the concept of death, the afterlife, or a faith beforehand can also minimize confusion.

“We don't need to guess. It's okay to say, ‘We don't know,’ and then go back to reassuring your kids about their safety. Go back to loving on them. Go back to reminding them about what is true and that home is a safe place,” Boyer added.

According to Boyer, bilateral rhythmic movement, or movement with both sides of the body, can help children process traumatic experiences. These movements can be as simple as running, walking, swimming, or playing with LEGOS.

“If they can be doing that while they're processing, or while they're talking about it a lot of times, that really helps their brain start to calm, and especially if they're experiencing anxiety, it brings them back to baseline,” said Boyer.

For older kids struggling with flashbacks, nightmares, or incessant imagery in their minds, Boyer says that playing Tetris has been shown to calm the brain and reduce these trauma responses.

When and How to Seek Ongoing Support

According to CVCH Behavioral Health representatives Misha L. Whitfield and Micah Vacatio, parents and caregivers should seek ongoing support when children start to show signs of regression, such as bed wetting, baby talking, over or under-eating, or showing loss of interest in activities. For older kids and teenagers, signs of struggling could look like playing too many video games, having big mood swings or irritability, or wearing clothes that may hide self harm.

While CVCH’s behavioral health services are integrated with primary care physicians or pediatricians, those who are not clients of CVCH can still seek help through its Express Care Clinic, according to Whitfield and Vacatio. Cascade Medical and Confluence Health are other local hospital resources. For virtual mental health support, Vacatio recommends Charlie Health.

“I've sent many kids there, and it's been incredible,” said Vacatio.

The CVCH representatives also suggest seeking out community spaces to congregate and share with others through places such as libraries, churches, and the YMCA.

Managing Fear in an Unresolved Case

To reassure residents, Chelan County Sheriff Mike Morrison emphasized community safety as a top priority, highlighting law enforcement’s heavy and continuous patrol presence in the area through the help of multiple agencies.

“We do believe that if he is out there and still alive, that he is making every effort possible to avoid us and avoid anyone else, but we're going to continue to keep pressure on, and again, we're going to continue to have the same quick response to calls,” said Morrison.

Gonzalez added that the CCSO Behavioral Unit’s “primary goal is to respond to behavioral health related calls that are 911 driven,” offering help and resources to individuals or family members in crisis. Residents who are not experiencing an emergency but may be feeling unsafe or need to talk to someone, are welcome to call RiverCom and ask for the Behavioral Health Unit, said Gonzalez. RiverCom’s dispatch line for non-emergency service is (509) 663-9911.

“We can definitely be the sounding board and kind of the springboard into getting people into the right resources or assistance that they need,” said Gonzalez. “So I just want to put that out there, that this conversation doesn't end here.”

Taylor Caldwell: 509-433-7276 or taylor@ward.media